Upping the Energy - Saying Yes to Your Partner
One of the key approaches I have been using with couples over the last year is having them say 'yes' to their partner and not 'no'. Not: I'm right. You're wrong. Or: That's not a good idea. Or: You need to change and stop nagging me. Or whatever. When a couple comes in for counselling they often have a pretty firm idea of what the issue is. He had an affair or she isn't a good communicator. We don't talk or intimacy sucks. He's not appreciative or she's overworked, taking care of the kids all the time and has no time for herself. It even comes down to he's loading to the dishes the wrong way.
Wonderful! Should we have a conversation for how someone should properly clean the dishes during my session? Please! That's not the issue. The problem is however, you don't actually know what the issue is.
Something has been lost. The connection or the butterflies in your stomach have gone away. The joy and energy you first felt with your partner has left and you are now simply feeling the doldrums of the relationship. This is not fun. Now I hear you saying: "Oh yeah that's normal. Sex goes down, intimacy goes down and we just just make it through. NOT ON MY WATCH! We are here for joy and bliss with your partner and everything else before that means you haven't finished yet. Okay, I don't want to be so hard on you. We are all doing our best. But we yearn for that ultimate connection. We can just feel it. We sometimes just don't know how to sustain it.
To understand how to sustain it we have to think of the quality of your relationship as more a vibrational frequency then the amount of time you have spent together. Think of when you first met. Think of how happy you were. Think of the most joyful moment you had with your partner. In that moment you were on a high, you were in a joyful state. Whatever that was for you it was a very high vibrational frequency. But it wasn't necessarily because of the event. You were just like: This is love. This is awesome. I'm so happy.The vibrations were churning.
In that moment, you were in a much higher vibrational frequency. Let's just say you feel closer to God. Which may be true but in reality you were actually closer to yourself, your soul, your spirit. See happiness comes when you are no longer rejecting yourself. When you totally accept yourself, you come more into the present moment, which is all there is and become more happy. The enegy is in the now. You became much closer to you. You are no longer in your mind coming from a place of fear or loss. Or worrying that you are are going to lose something (attachement). Or that you aren't good enough (low self-esteem). Or thinking of your past history (old stories). These are all mind-based concepts. You had actually in that moment gone beyond the mind and were experiencing a place of joy and utter peace with your partner. And that is when the relationship became perfect again. Not based on action but based on vibrational frequency. It's the difference between driving a Pinto and a Ferrari. When you have the Ferrari everything else is good.
My goal on this planet is to help teach your how vibrational relationships work. And this is what I'm going to be teaching my couples at this point. So if you are looking for a relationship upgrade please book in.
The higher the vibration you can get with your partner and sustain it the better, which starts by you saying 'yes' a lot more and not blocking things. It's starts with trusting and surrendering to the experience to the flow state. The more you enter a flow state with your partner the more you will feel like happy six-year olds again.
Now just a caveat. You can say 'yes' to what your partner ask but they can not be asking in a mean, judging way. If they do that tell them it doesnt' work that way. Ask them to just tell you what they want in a kind way so you can also help them get their needs met. What do they need to be happy. And what do you need? It's about self-love first and loving and helping your partner second.
Perhaps your partner say: "I'd like us to argue in a more peaceful loving way, without raised voices". Or "I'd like to just reconnect with you after work when we are not worrying about the kids and their poor grades". Then the other person says: yes let's do that. And the other person feels better because they feel heard. Then more love ensues and you'll literally feel closer to your partner again. You'll feel that vibrational frequency go up and you'll want to kiss. Then kiss. Who doesn't like that?
Okay the big take away from this session is to remember that all successful relationships rely on raising the vibrational frequency between you and your partner by saying 'yes' to your partner more, 'yes' to yourself and not taking everything so darn seriously. Have more fun and more sex. Also this is a partnership so both people have to agree to do it or it's not going to work. Once you have raised up the vibration of the relationship up it's then much easier to talk about who's doing the dishes because then it only about doing the dishes as they need to be cleaned and nothing else. How simple is that?
Love you, and all come in for a session sometime.
Heron Free, M.Ed. R.Psych.